I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
