Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
