The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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