Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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