Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
