I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
that is very illegal...i love you.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
