You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
