I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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