I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I want to fling myself into the sun
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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