Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
its liver damage thursday
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