I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
