OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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