I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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