Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
