Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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