ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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