you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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