i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
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I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
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Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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