I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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