Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
