The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
