hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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