I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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