I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
