I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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