Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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