I am in a vortex of obligation.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
