just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm really busy with my period
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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