Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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