Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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