why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
