I wish I could punch you in the face.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
