just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
