The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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