Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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