Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
