Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
