I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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