i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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