id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
