quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
