I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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