Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
