Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
