I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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