Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
