I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
