hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
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