I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
