I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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