I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
two words: eviction party
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
