You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just want to make out with him forever
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
