im drinking this country out of the recession.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
