So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
