i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just gift wrapped bread.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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