Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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