I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
