47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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