At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
