If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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