he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
