WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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