First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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