someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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