she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
