You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just sucked dick on a ferry
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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