how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
