She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
