Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
