I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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