Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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