Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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