Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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