Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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