I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
