I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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